Shoot diary - a six-week bonding exercise


Week 1: September 18-25

We begin the shoot in Manor Hall, a 1920s hall of residence at Bristol University. It's the perfect place to start - there's plenty of room, plenty of parking and plenty of lavatories. Oh and it's walking distance from the catering bus. Originally we'd hoped the bus would be able to follow us around Bristol. But when Mills (catering supremo) and I meet the bus at 6.30 Monday morning, we can already hear the swearing from the driver before it turns the corner. The bus is the size of Texas, has two of its four gears working and is going nowhere once it arrives. Initially we park it in a space donated by a great friend of the shoot, Peter Hannay. Except it's a bit big and spills over into Aardman Animation's spaces. Elly (cool headed production manager) makes a begging phone call. By 8.30 on the first day we realise we're in danger of making a rerun of Auf Wiedershen Pet. The hall omits to tell us of its rebuilding programme. Accusing looks are cast at the producer - is this why he got it so cheap? For the next five days we fight around the noise. Welders are the most uncooperative members of the building fraternity in case you're wondering. We have a huge workload, a new crew and nervous actors. For three luvvies it's their feature film debuts. After initial hiccups everyone warms to the task. But the days are too long. We need to work quicker. John and the writer fight to speed things up. Interiors quickly become exteriors. The writer vows never to write anything else in a corridor again. Ever. The performances are warming up. There's real fire and emotion between Tom our lead and Naomie his leading lady, and the five boys are sparking. The Beeb turns up to do a live piece at the end of the news and we finish the week with champagne. We congratulate ourselves on getting the tough stuff over with. How foolish.


Week 2: September 25-29

We realise this week why no one makes feature films in Britain. It may only rain on the plain in Spain, but over here it buckets down all over the shop. Or it's sunny, then cloudy, followed by rain and then some sun just after you've decided to shoot it in the rain. We begin the week with two old favourites as guest stars. Norman Bowler plays 'Dad'. The ex Emmerdale star throws himself about on the park with abandon and keeps smiling despite the bizarre three seasons in one hour weather. He's followed in the afternoon by Lorraine Chase. Lorraine is due in five minutes when Elly takes a phone call from the scaffold company. The truck we used last week has gone out on a job. Sorry. You try finding a scaffold truck, white, low sides, with scaffolding and ladders on a Monday afternoon. Now it's jungle Bristol, the rain has gone tropical downpour. We send Robbie (ace head runner) 20 miles out of Bristol to pick up another lorry found, unbelievably, by Elly. Lorraine is totally fab. We all scratch our heads to work out why she hasn't worked more. Johnnie works around not being able to shoot the outside of the lorry as it's got the wrong sides and everyone else gets wet. Crisis. Two days in the pub become three. Steadicam proves a great but fickle camera tool and the days drag. The extras prove a nightmare to find. We have nothing to offer them but a free lunch. We end up using a mixture of the crew and students and anyone unfortunate enough to be walking past. Their patience is amazing. In the office they are frantically juggling to sort the extra day. The pressure is mounting as we need at least 80 extras for our fashion show scene held in the student's union. We've agreed to put our name to a party to happen after the fashion show organised by a local PR outfit, run by mad posh girls in black. In return they have promised us sackfuls of extras. Our fear rises. We don't think they're going to deliver. The fashion show scene has proved to be the producer's biggest nightmare. It equates to about two and a half minutes of screentime, but has sucked in massive effort and resources. (Hard cash to you and me). Art and costume depts have got over excited and are spending like crazy. Terry (top DoP) persuades by using phrases like 'key cinematic moments' and 'money shots'. The producer remains sceptical. The scene looks amazing. We have gorgeous models, brilliant set, jimmy jib, fab lighting rig, music, a star presenter, but yup, you guessed it, no extras. With 30 minutes to go, all hell breaks loose. We have nothing if we don't have anybody to watch the show. Runners are dispatched in search of victims. Then Johnnie's fiancée Sarah turns up with about 10 mates and others begin to dribble in. Someone has obviously raided the foreign students club. They don't know what's going on but seem to enjoy themselves. We have enough extras to fill one side of the catwalk. Johnnie, with sinking heart realises he will have to shoot just one way. It's a shame, but it will work. We ply the extras with booze to keep them. It backfires as everyone keeps ducking off for a pee. One couple are in the middle of matrimonials, they have to keep being told to smile. It's a massive night. The biggest of the shoot. The work involved is extraordinary. Again the patience of the extras is wonderful. The night works. Just. Some of the cast and crew head off for the after show party. But they are too late for the promised free champagne. A mutiny threatens. Elly wins a balloon flight. She's probably considering using it to get out of another scene like that one.


Week 3: October 2-6

Terry cheers us all up by taking a wrong turning and getting hopelessly stuck in the mud. We're on the beautiful Stourhead Estate in Wiltshire. Beautifully wet and muddy. As Terry has quickly discovered. The producer finds himself in the top field scene from Withnail as he goes in search of the farmer with the tractor. Fights back b desire to use phrase "We're not from London you know" while begging help on Terry's behalf. We are to shoot at a cottage on the estate rented by Willie Scott-Masson, our star from Shopping for Love. It's incredible. Well two things are. The cottage and the fact that despite being in the business, Willie has lent us his home. As well as incredible it is small. Very. We squeeze in and despite the cramped conditions everyone's spirits are raised by the countryside. Except Mills', who has a cooker more suited to a dolls house from which to feed 22. There is some powerful acting on show. Especially from Bennet. Fortunately the producer isn't around when he slams the rear of his car (doubling up as Posh's motor), into a bank in the lane while shooting his drunk driving scene. The producer is to remain blissfully ignorant until watching the rushes. Everyone else finds this very funny. Terry will want to erase the country from his shoot diary. We attempt some aerial shots from a small plane piloted by the mate of a mate of the producer's. Terry, more used to flying on something that offers a choice of dessert and a movie, comes over green. A hasty return to the airfield is required before our DoP upstages Sickie, our not-at-all-good-at-drinking actor. Robert (oh so calm focus puller) takes over as we try to add some production value with our aerial shots. The producer scares the crap out of the actors by driving them (as Posh) down the A303 at 105mph with the roof down in the (for a change) pouring rain, while being chased by the plane. Now Paul has gone very green. The plane crew manages to get a few shots of Bristol as well before hitting a major storm and being forced to return to base. Friday finds us back at the Student Union. It's freshers' week and we are allowed to mix it with the students. It's a nightmare and we all vow to only work on shoots where we can afford to control everything and everyone. Then someone drops a £1200 surfboard and dents it. We may have to buy the surf club a new board. John from Clifton Suspension Bridge calls. We are set to shoot some of our most important scenes this Sunday. We must postpone because of the Bristol half marathon. We had checked a week before that this would not be a problem. Moods blacken. Our last scene is in the heaving student bar. It's the first night of term, we've blagged permission from a reluctant principle, everyone is ready to go, we have our rugby extras, our posse extras and our actors. We head down to the bar in trepidation, how bad is this going to be? If it wasn't so serious it would be hysterical. The place is empty. Tumbleweed wouldn't have looked out of place. We have to cancel the shoot and send everyone home. We leave utterly gutted. It's a crap end to the week.


Week 4: October 8-13

On Sunday Guy, John, Terry, Robert and Tom fly to France and head up to Grenoble to the Posonnas Bridge. We are bungy jumping off this bridge after permission was denied by the Suspension Bridge in Bristol. From what we've seen on their web site and in photos, the gorge is similar. If we could actually see the bridge we might know if we are right. It's shrouded in thick fog. Rising panic sets in, despite reassurances from the bungy guys that it will clear. This panic is nothing compared to what is about to come. The producer, in a moment of bravado, (or a way to save money), has said he will jump as Liam. True to their word, the fog clears. The gorge is wonderfully similar. And the bridge is as high. Very high, with a very long drop. Johnnie is delighted. Guy is not. He elects to jump third. We are using three French guys as stunt doubles. Two go over and it's Guy's turn. He stands and makes the mistake of looking down. It's a big mistake. But he has little choice when he hears Johnnie on the walkie talkie counting down. And anyway, he's the producer, he wouldn't want to waste stock unnecessarily. Tom also jumps, and not to be out done by any Frenchies, Guy jumps twice more. He feels a little odd while driving everyone back to the airport in Lyon, but decides to keep that to himself. Terry's as nervous a passenger as he is a flyer. The weather is continuing to cause havoc. We decide we're definitely shooting the next one in Arizona. It pours with rain for the burning bog roll scene. The whole night is utterly stressful after we change location at the last minute. Drawing enough power for the lights is a perennial problem. We're too cheap to get a generator and must rely on goodwill and bribery. We set up one light on a flat roof after an exchange of cash, but only have until 10.30pm. Shutting roads is another nightmare. It costs £500 a time payable to the police, so we work around it, not really shutting them, but then not really letting people drive up them either. At least we have the requisite yellow jackets. The bog roll scene works brilliantly, once we've worked out what burns best out of the boys' bums (why didn't we work this out before). Linen strips fail, so in the end, industrial hand drying towels win out and that is what is lit as the boys run down the not really shut off street. The producer is worried we'll get done, not for illegal street closure but for indecency, the boys have to be naked. When Bennet lies down starkers on the tarmac in the pouring rain, we all realise what it is to be an actor - body doubles? Not on this set mate. Bennet we salute you, you mad bugger. Sanity is vaguely restored for the church scenes. We shoot these in an awesome Georgian chapel in Redland. The local vicar is brilliant and leaves us to get on with it. The scenes with the lads digging up Animal's ashes are hysterical. It's difficult not to laugh on set. It becomes even more difficult when the vicar turns up to see how we're doing. It's night and Liam is supposed to be swearing like a trooper in the graveyard after being dumped. There's a stunned moment as we realise the Rev has come to watch the action. The producer tactfully steers him away and Liam does his scene in stage whispers. We'll just synch that lot up later. The next day is what film making is all about. The coming together of a plan. The art dept do us proud for the funeral scene, 30 student extras turn up, the sun shines, the jimmy jib works and we have a number of money shots. Paul's rendition of the Philip Larkin poem blows us all away. Apart from being unable to help as the vicar's wife set off the burglar alarm in the church, there wasn't much wrong with Friday.


Week 5: October 15-20

Sunday is terrifying. Full of gut wrenchingly appalling fear. We were on the Suspension Bridge, but it wasn't the height that was the problem. The scenes today are the most important in the film. If we don't get these, we don't have a movie. Everything else we can work around. But not the bridge. We arrive at 7.30am to the bemusement of the bridge men. They have been told nothing. Their bemusement increases when we say we will be shutting the bridge during the morning for intervals of up to three minutes. It grows further when they discover that another way into Bristol is to be shut for repairs. Five times as much traffic as normal will want to cross the bridge. We bring on the jimmy jib. We're terrified they are going to stop us at any moment when they see the lads standing on ladders overlooking the gorge below. Early in the morning, stopping the traffic is fine. But as the day wears on, the tension grows. We begin to create a traffic jam that spills back through Bristol. People are ringing in to complain. Drivers are an extraordinary mix of the calm, the interested and the bloody rude. The bridge men have been fantastic, but at 2pm are getting impatient with us. We promised we wouldn't be stopping the traffic past 11am. Robin, overcome by the height, is getting queasier by the minute. So is the producer, but for different reasons. The walkie talkies have packed up, the crew is stressed, pedestrians out on Sunday strolls want to walk down the side of the bridge we have requisitioned. We break for lunch. We want to shut the bridge once more to run the policemen down it followed by the track and dolly. One bridge man says no. We send Elly to butter him up. She works her magic and we are given one last three minutes. Which becomes six. Drivers are going ballistic. Don't these people ever go to the movies? We're definitely going to Arizona for the next one. We head back to the country for some R&R at the Wild Duck Inn, Ewen in Gloucestershire. They are brilliant and the pub is beautiful. But we are slow and have to drop a number of scenes when we realise the locals are becoming concerned at not being able to get to the bar. We return the next day for some night scenes. Jim (brilliant grip) has made the producer his best mate by saving us a fortune in pyrotechnics. He has created a flame bar that was to cost £350.00 plus an operator for just £4.30. This is good. The light takes for ever and we have to drop more scenes. This is not. We don't have time to pick them up. We rush about for the next few days across Bristol, shooting in the airport (that lipstick looks great on you Liam), on the docks, in offices, houses and an internet cafe.


Week 6: October 22-27

It's hard to believe it's week 6, our last week. The unit is now well bonded. We're a real team and on Friday it's all over. Meeting for breakfast on the bus is a ritual that will be hard to break. We begin the week in Clifton College, a beautiful public school who let us alone. Which is lucky as we turn their library inside out. It makes for a wonderful vice chancellor's office, but I'm not sure they would have seen it like that. But everything went back where it was. Promise. We then hook up with some giants calling themselves Bristol Rugby under 21s to shoot Animal's scenes. Bennet looks like a dwarf. We decide these guys have lied about their age. Apart from paying a fortune for them and feeding them copious amounts, the rugby lads are perfect. We're thrilled until Terry discovers a rogue filter means he has shot 2 stops under. It's too late. We'll have to live with it. Shooting in the hospital provides some light relief. They also didn't realise we were coming, but end up giving us an entire waiting room to ourselves, as well as furnishing us with wheelchair, gowns and doctor memorabilia. HTV give us their newsroom for a few hours and even a news reader, we shoot some pick ups on Friday and then on Friday afternoon we shoot the very last scene of the film. Coincidentally it's the last scene we shall shoot as a crew. It's a weird moment. The shoot is over, but the film has only just begun. Now we need some more money.